Diary of an Introvert
by writernxtdoor
Summary: Dairy- Your friend who listens to your blabbers no matter the place and time and your shoulder to cry on. Also...it's a place where you share your fears, your secrets and the deep, dark moments of your life." "There are a million reasons why someone writes a dairy so perhaps, my reason is just like everyone else's."
1. Chapter 1

**Diary entry: Friday, September 8, 2017**

Why am I writing in a diary so suddenly? I don't know...I wonder why too. Maybe because I want to share my feelings and thoughts with someone. Or maybe because when I grow up and when I forget some of the memories, my diary will remind me of them. There are a million reasons why someone writes a dairy so perhaps, my reason is just like everyone else's.

But before I really start writing, I want to tell you about me. My name is Erza Scarlet, 19 and a student at Fairy Hill High School. I have no friends because I'm an introvert. I'm fine with it though. I've become used to it by now but yeah...There are times when I wish I had friends...I tried to change myself, but I couldn't. It's hard and it hurts. I'm good at studies but that doesn't make me popular unlike this girl named Lucy who is cute, intelligent and has a much higher IQ than me. I want to be friends with her too.  
I have something to confess. It's not something I'm comfortable with writing in here but I want to write it. After a few years I want to read this diary again and recall this moment.

I was in the Cafeteria, eating my bread when someone knocked on my table. I looked up in surprise and saw the most alluring eyes I have ever seen in my life. They were blue in color. Like the ocean and the sky. "Erza Scarlet, right?" He asked, and I nodded. I didn't know who he was. I had never seen him before, but he was wearing our school's uniform. Then something happened...It was so unexpected. It was so scary. He leaned in forward and kissed my cheek.

My mind went haywire. My eyes turned blurry and my body became warm. Everything around me disappeared, except him. I couldn't do anything. My body froze, and my heart raced. These strong feelings were new to me. But I felt afraid and suddenly, I wanted to hide. I wanted to run away and vanish.

He turned around and walked to his friends who were sitting in a group. I realized that it was a rubbish bet and that I was just being used as a toy. The boy was laughing as well. His laugh pierced through my ear and for some reason it hurt. I liked the feeling, but I also felt pain and anger. This stranger...he was just like everyone else. Just like every single person.  
I skipped a class and ran back home. I'm now locked in my room. I wish I could tell mom and dad what happened, but I won't be going to the grave unless grandma comes which is next week. I told my room-mate Levy about today and she said to forget what happened. She said that these things happen all the time and that I shouldn't take it to heart.

But, how can I do that? I have already taken it to heart and that memory keeps flashing before my eyes every second of the day. I can't stop it.

Or maybe...I don't want it to.


	2. Chapter 2

**Diary entry: Saturday, September 9, 2017.**

I want to forget what happened but it's so difficult that it pains my heart. There was this sudden urge of wanting to see him...

Am I getting crazy?

I tried various things to help me distract my mind but none of them seemed to work. I painted, I cleaned the house and the bathrooms, I did laundry and etc.

Then why am I still warm? Why does my hand keep touching the cheek he kissed me on? Why do I want to see him again when I should be angry?

I went to levy to ask all these questions and guess what she said. She said that it was LOVE. It's how everyone feels when they fall for someone.

And then she started teasing me and I got embarrassed and ran up to my room. Well...At least, now I know what I'm feeling. Love...

Is it possible to fall in love with a stranger? Is it...?


	3. Chapter 3

**Diary entry: Sunday, September 10, 2017**

Levy and I baked a cake today. It was our first time but we succeeded.

We then went out for shopping and bought a few cute things. I don't know why all of a sudden Levy decided to do this 'hangout' but it made me really happy. I had a great time with her today.

But, I'm sure she doesn't think of me as a best friend. Rather, I'm just a friend and nothing more. After all, she's been given the responsibility of taking care of me by my Grandmother. She's not a bad girl but I wish...she would treat me as her best friend someday.

Before going to bed, I mustered up my courage and asked Levy if she had someone whom she loved. But, she stayed quiet.

She didn't give me an answer and walked away to her room.

I felt bad...I sensed I must have triggered something awful or maybe something that made her mad, so I made some hot chocolate and went to her room.

Unfortunately, she didn't open her door.

She said, "Go away, Erza..."

It hurt a lot when her tone reached me. I think she was crying...I cursed myself for asking her such a thing of a sudden...

I don't know anything about Levy and now I wish I did.

I apologized to her. I said I was sorry for asking her that. There was no response...

I told her that I kept the hot chocolate near the door and went to my room. It turned out to become a beautiful day but an awful night...I ruined it.

I will once more apologize to her the minute I wake up. I'm hoping she will forgive me. Because she's the only one I have been able to talk to and I don't want to lose her.


	4. Chapter 4

**Diary entry: Monday, September 11, 2017.**

I went to school early because I couldn't sleep last night. I did all the chores like cleaning the blackboard, setting the chairs and desks and placing the books where they belong.

We had P.E today and I couldn't give my best. Not that I am best but I was more clumsy than ever. Everyone laughed at me but like I said, don't worry, I'm used to it.

We had a free period today because our Sensei went on a date. So, I went to the library to read a book.

Books are something, aren't they? They take you away from reality and into a world where you can rule. Where you don't have to hide and where everyone is humane.

I like being alone. It's the best thing in the world.

Most of them won't agree with me but it's the fact. Being alone gives your freedom to be yourself and gives you a different perspective of others.

I saw him again today.

He was playing soccer and I thought, "He looks so cool."

I didn't know what I was thinking back then but at that moment, he was the only thing I was focused on.

The way he moved was so graceful.

I somehow wanted to keep looking at him but I didn't.

Because I was afraid that I was falling for him.

What happened yesterday was just a play and like levy said, I should forget it...

but, that's his fault, isn't it?

It's clearly his fault that my heart is acting differently every time I see him.

I'm scared.

I'm scared of making a fool out of myself.

I don't know what to do.

I wish someone could help me.


	5. Chapter 5

**Diary entry: Tuesday, September 12, 2017.**

The sky was cloudless today. It looked pretty.

I stopped at the bridge I pass by while going to my school and watched the ducks swim by. It was cute how they move around in groups.

Just seeing something so lively makes me happy.

I sat at my usual seat and took out the book I was reading.

However, today...there was much nuisance in my class (normally, it wouldn't be so loud)

I looked up from my book and turned to see what the commotion was.

A group of boys and girls were circled around a desk. The boys were excited and the girls were crazily jumping.

I couldn't see who they were getting so hyped for but when I looked around, the entire class was on one side and I was alone on the other.

I tried to catch what they were saying but everyone's words were jumbled and messy, making it difficult for me.

Right then, the bell rang and everyone hastily got back to their seats. The group was gradually splitting up and when it did, the desk they were surrounded on was empty but soon taken by Arata-Kun.

Miss Suki, our maths Sensei promptly entered the room and began her class.

I'm not the type to praise myself or anything but I do have to mention that I'm brilliant in maths. I have spent my lonely days studying maths books that all the solutions for me are a piece of cake.

For some reason, I became immersed in my studies today and before I knew it, it was lunch time already.

Levy had prepared a bento for me and kept it on the table. I wanted to thank her but she had already left for work.

I still feel bad for what happened the day before yesterday and I wish I could talk it over with her as soon as possible.

The only place where I can comfortably eat my bento was under a large tree near the sports club. Since the time the school started, I have always had my lunch there and there was no one to disturb me.

But...today, it was different.

There was someone sitting under the tree.

I couldn't see clearly who it was, so I anxiously moved a little forward.

My heart suddenly started to thump loudly when I realized who it was that was under my tree.

I was frozen in my place. My body and mind and stopped functioning and I felt hot shivers running down my spine.

It was him...

He looked up at me and smiled.

For the first time, someone from my school noticed me and smiled at me.

My body calmed a little but my eyes were turning blurry.

He gestured me to come forward but I couldn't.

His expression told me that he became worried for some reason. So he got up and walked towards me.

I really don't know what I was thinking back then. Everything is a haze...Like it was a dream. Like I was falling in something deeper than a rabbits hole.

"Look..." He began. His eyes wandered around my face for a minute and then stopped at my eyes. "I'm sorry for that day."

My eyes grew wide and I was becoming breathless.

"It...it was a bet and you know how it is. If I had said no, I would have lost some bucks and-"

His voice faded and my eyes felt hot. Warm tears rolled down my cheeks and you know what I thought at that time? That I was embarrassing myself and him. That I was making such a situation awkward and that I was no good. He is going to think I'm crazy and leave me like all of them did. He is going to walk away-

But, I felt something warm touch my cheek.

I tried to stop crying and looked up, sniffing.

"I'm sorry that I made you cry." He said and wiped the tears away from my eyes with thumb.

We gazed into each others eyes for a moment and I could see the miserable me in his blue eyes.

The strange feeling crept over me again. Like I was being pulled by a large magnet.

My stomach crunched as well and I started to feel dizzy.

He then took a step back and smiled at me again.

"See you later, then." He ran past me and headed to the school.

Impulsively, I turned around, my heart still beating feverishly but he was out of sight.

I wish I could have said something to him...

I wish I could have at least asked his name instead of crying so childishly.

The world suddenly started to seem less cruel to me. Surprisingly, I could feel the fresh breeze touching my face and the smell of flowers and soil lingering around me.

It was like my senses had abruptly opened after being closed for so long.

Like my heart was unlocked...like I now could do better in this world.

All of this what I'm feeling and sensing...is it because of him?

This stranger who came into my life so unexpectedly...will he be the turning point of my life?

I believe in fate. I believe in all of the magical and unknown stuff and something tells me that my life is going to be changed by him.

It's a feeling but I'm trusting it more than ever.

The guy with ocean blue eyes...I think I have really fallen for him now.


	6. Chapter 6

**Diary entry: Wednesday, September 13, 2017.**

I can't help but ask myself, are we meeting by chance?

Because today as well, I met him. It was while going to school. He popped out of nowhere and asked me if we could walk together to school.

I hesitated at first...I didn't want him to walk with me because of various reasons. 1) I'm uncomfortable with it 2) I like to walk alone 3) I'm a loner, I have no friends and if the others see us together, its only going to ruin his image and I didn't want that. I don't want him to get shunned away by others as well just because he's walking to school with a girl like me.

And then, when he didn't get a reply from me. He told me his name so that we are not strangers anymore.

"I'm Jellal." He said with a smile I can't forget.

He already knew my name. Maybe from the others which was a good thing because I didn't had to introduce myself.

In the end, we walked to school together. It was silent all the way but every so often, we would glance at each other. As if wanting to speak something but then ditching the idea of doing so.

We were soon in the school premises where all eyes were going to be on us; where rumors were going to start and where immoral whisperings were inevitable. However, before any of the heads turned towards me, a friend of Jellal had called him.

"Then, see you later, Scarlet." He said and ran towards his friend.

I had stopped in my tracks.

His voice echoed inside of me like a fierce wind.

Why was he being so nice to me?

Why was I being treated so kindly by an absolute stranger?

I saw him walk away to the school while joking around with his friend. Soon, he was surrounded by many others.

An extrovert guy like him and an introvert girl like me...Can we ever be compatible?

For some reason, I was waiting for the 'later' Jellal said before leaving.

My heart was getting anxious because I wasn't sure when that 'later' was about to arrive.

I couldn't concentrate on my studies. And neither on my maths; finding the solution turned slightly difficult for me.

Nevertheless, how much I waited...that later never came today.

I didn't see him in the cafeteria. Nor on the soccer field.

And to be honest, that made me feel...sad.

I knew it in my heart that I shouldn't take such words as 'see you later' so seriously but I couldn't help it.

It was the first time someone said something like that to me since Junior High.

I was getting frustrated and I tried so hard to forget his voice.

To forget his smile and to forget him completely.

But, it seemed merely impossible to do such a crime.

I could've talked to Levy if we were in good terms.

Maybe I will try and bake some cookies for her.

Maybe we can chat over some tea and sort everything out...


	7. Chapter 7

**Diary entry: Thursday, September 14, 2017**

I walked to school alone again.

Everything was just the same as it always was.

My animated feelings had vanished, and my heart was calm.

Until...Jellal came to my classroom.

The class turned a havoc the moment he came in.

The entire class began surrounding him like he was a Santa Claus ready to give them presents.

Once more, I was left on the other side. Alone and empty.

I recall letting out a sigh and looked down at my textbook.

I attempted to distract myself by solving math problems, but the uproar was too loud. I closed my eyes tightly and did began doing mental math's.

And then something unexpected happened...

The boisterousness quietened down as if the waves had decided to turn calm.

I thought that perhaps Jellal might have left the classroom and opened my eyes to look around.

However, my view was blocked by a guy standing in front of me.

Slowly raising my head, my eyes unpreventably became wide like an animal who was afraid of being hunted.

"Do you have a minute?" Jellal asked, not minding the looks and whispers he was receiving from the back.

I didn't answer him and yet, he unwillingly grabbed my wrist and dragged me out of the classroom.

I could've yelled for the teacher or directly at him for doing such an unethical thing, but I didn't.

I let him take me to the rooftop.

The bell rang and for the first time, my maths class had been skipped.

The wind blew over us. The smell of fall had tainted the area.

He looked at me, his eyes were fixed confidently at me.

"I have something to tell you, Erza Scarlet."

What? I thought. I think it has become obvious now that I can't speak in front of Jellal. Or anyone else as a matter of fact.

"I think I'm in love with you."

The earth suddenly started to rotate around me.

I thought I was going to lose my balance, but it was just my mind trying to set the words straight.

Did I hear it right or am I just imagining what I want to imagine?

"This isn't a joke, trust me." He said. His expression was innocent and sincere.

I wish I could've replied to him.

I feel so miserable to be not be able to speak my emotions to him.

Will he leave me for my unfaked flaw?

"I don't know much about you, but I want to get to know you."

He and the blowing breeze were the only one talking.

"The day I set my eyes on you, Scarlet. I fell in love..."

"The more you're quiet, the more mysterious and interesting you get."

"I can't tell what you're thinking right now and that somehow makes me even curious about you."

"Scarlet, I want to know you better. I want to know you more than anyone has ever known about you. More than you know yourself."

I suddenly started to feel nauseous. My stomach turned, and my eyes turned blurry.

Despite how I was feeling, I had given him my answer.

I still remember the look he had upon my response...

We left the rooftop and went into our separate directions.

I couldn't sleep the entire night. My heart was acting oddly again. As if it wanted to get out of my ribcage.

I turned my head to the stars and fancied the beauty it had displayed.

The world never looked so fascinating before...


	8. Chapter 8

**Diary entry: Saturday, September 16, 2017.**

It was after I had come up to my room after breakfast. Levy had knocked on my door and she asked my permission to come in.

I was so happy to hear her voice again that I ran to the door and opened it myself.

She gave me a faint smile and told me that she had something to talk to me about.

I made some tea and we sat in my room. For minutes, there was silence as if she was meditating. And then finally, she spoke. I noticed that her palms were tightly clenched to the cup of hot tea.

"I'm sorry for getting angry at you that day..." Her voice was faded and filled with disappointment.

"N-no... It's alright, Levy-Chan... I think I asked you something which I shouldn't have."

"Erza, it wasn't your fault. Really, it was mine...I just-" She closed her eyes for a second like she was being forced to say something and then opened them again with tears in her eyes. "Something happened a few years back...something that I still can't forget."

I didn't ask her what happened. She looked at me for a while and then told me the story herself.

Levy had a loving boyfriend who was murdered by a group of gangsters.

Apparently, her boyfriend used to work as a delivery person for drugs. Then, something went wrong and the group he had been working for, killed him.

Levy's shoulders shook as her crying turned uncontrollable.

I crawled to her side and hugged her soundly.

She was speaking abstractedly in broken sentences, but I couldn't say anything back to comfort her.

What should I have said? That I understand how she feels? That its okay to cry? or that there is no point in crying because he won't come back?

I kept quiet because I thought that was what's best in this situation.

After an hour, her crying died down.

Her eyes were red and swollen and her nose had turned cherry.

She blew her nose with a tissue I gave her, and she apologized to me for being so troublesome.

I told her that I was glad she came to me. That she took me as a friend and told me her something so sensitive.

Levy wiggled her hands and legs and took a long deep breath.

She said she felt better after crying so much and chuckled.

She said her heart was now light and that she could sleep today.

We went out to get some fresh air. It was breezy, and the streets looked enjoyable.

We ate, we played, we did all sorts of things like we were best friends.

I think I thought wrong of Levy's thoughts.

I think she does think me as her best friend, after all.

We came back home after having dinner at a restaurant.

As we were on our seperate paths to our separate rooms, she gave me a goodnight hug and kiss on the cheek.

"Thank you for today, Erza." She said, her voice calm and soft like a childs.

"No, thank you for today, Levy-Chan." I smiled, and we ended our nights with a last hug and a smile.

I'm at ease, now that everything is settled between me and Levy.

I hope she can sleep well tonight.

I hope she can lock her sadness and live her life thoroughly.

I might not understand her feelings...but I felt her pain today when her tears touched my cheeks.

I don't know how it feels to lose someone...and I don't think I want to know.

I don't think I can handle the suffering like Levy did all these years.

I'm not strong.

I'm weak.

I'm something that needs protecting...

I'm a glass that could shatter at the slightest touch.


	9. Chapter 9

**Diary entry: Sunday, September 17, 2017.**

Nothing special happened today so I thought I wouldn't write in my diary, however, something did happen when I was up all-night studying for the upcoming exams.

I heard a sound like a rock hitting my window and went to check it. To my surprise, Jellal was waving at me, telling me in sign languages to come down and meet him.

I was more than surprised, actually...I was overjoyed to see him; that too at such an hour. When the day is just at the horizon, when the flowers await their bloom.

Without wasting anymore time, I grabbed my jacket and quietly headed downstairs. I didn't want to wake Levy up. And even if she did wake up, she would ask me questions and Its not problem answering her but I don't want her to know about my relationship like this. I want to tell her at the right time and moment.

Gingerly, closing the door behind me, I turned around and looked for Jellal.

He was nowhere to be seen.

I got confused weather I was imagining things, but it was fortunate that I wasn't.

Jellal was hiding behind a wall and startled me from behind.

I was taken aback and jumped a little, but he let out an amusing laugh.

"Sorry..." He said holding his laughter. "I didn't mean to scare you."

"It's...okay..." I could feel my cheeks warming up in this cold autumn night.

"And I'm also sorry to just come up here without notice. Actually, I would've told you if I had your number but how silly are we? We didn't even exchange them."

"Ah..." I let out.

"To be honest, I was longing to see you..." Jellal said with an embarrassed smile hiding in his lips.

Our eyes made contact and it didn't break.

"I couldn't wait another day to meet you...I'm sorry." He shrugged.

"I'm...I'm actually kind of glad...that you came." I said in a whisper but judging from his surprised expression, I think he heard me very loud and clear.

"And I'm glad that you're glad." He came towards me and placed both his hands on my shoulders.

"It's cold and late, you should go back. Now that I've seen you, I can sleep peacefully now." His lips curled upward just slightly, and his eyes twinkled in the darkness around us.

I nodded, although I didn't want him to leave so quickly, it couldn't be helped. But anyways, we are gonna meet in a few hours so parting now would only hurt meagerly.

"Goodnight, then." He slowly backed away as if hesitating to do something but thinking so otherwise and waited for me to get inside.

"Night." I could hear the dejection in my voice but I couldn't let Jellal see me like this so I quickly went inside and up to my room.

I looked down from the window, but he was gone.

I felt something pinch my heart but decided to distract myself by continuing my studies.

I just have to wait a few more hours until dawn and then I can see him again.

I can see his smile again.

I can hear his canorous voice again.


	10. Chapter 10

**Diary entry: Monday, September 18, 2017**

Guess what happened today?

Something unexpected...something wonderful...

It was at lunch. Like always, I had gone to my tree but this time, found it soulless.

Maybe I was expecting him to be there but nevertheless, I sat under the shade and tore open my bread.

I opened my dog-folded page and rested it on my knees.

The feeling was the best; Breezy wind, tasty bread and a good book. All I ever needed and all that I'll ever need.

Suddenly, I saw a pair of feet stop by in front of me. The shadow of the person overlapped the words in the book. Distractedly, I looked up and saw that it was Jellal.

"Knew you would be here," He charmingly raised a brow. "Can I?"

I nodded and closed my book because Jellal was a distraction to my reading. Even if I tried reading I wouldn't be able to because of his presence. He sat across me, cross legged and just then the wind blew.

It blew strong and the smell of his cologne reached me.

My heart ran, and my body twitched to move closer to him.

"What are you reading?" He asked.

I showed him the cover of the book and he acceptingly nodded. "Good book. Read it myself twice."

So Jellal is a reader as well... I felt happy to know that we had something in common.

"I'm not disturbing you, am I?" He asked curiously, and I swiftly shook my head.

"You're not."

He let out a small chuckle and moved closer to me. Our knees touched, and I felt my body tickle.

Seeing him steadily in the eyes makes my hands and cheeks warm. I start to get dizzy, but I hold my balance because I don't want to close my eyes upon such composition.

"Say Scarlet...Can I embrace you?"

My mind already gave an answer, but my heart wasn't ready for it.

He waited for my response. Patiently but eagerly.

His expression told me that he wasn't expecting a likable answer, yet he kept a confident face.

I didn't want to disappoint him. Or rather, I wasn't ready to see him like that.

"I don't mind..."

I tried not to look away. Jellal's face suddenly brightened and he got a little closer than than before.

He looked down at my hands and hesitantly reached them.

As soon as his fingers touched me, I flinched.

He pulled his hand back, but I immediately caught his cold middle finger.

We were still for a moment.

And then slowly, Jellal intertwined his hands with mine and pulled me into a hug.

He was warm.

I smelt his cologne and closed my eyes because somehow it soothed me.

Jellal looks lean but when I embraced him, he seemed muscular and I summarily sensed he was the kind of guy to protect a girl.

"I'm sorry if this is too fast..." He whispered.

"It's not." I said, and we were hugging each other until the bell rang.

Its just fortunate that no student or teacher caught us like that. But, no one really comes to this spot that I had chosen so that's a good thing.

Our departure to our classes was hurting but Jellal told me that he would drop me home so the rest of the time I anticipated our meeting like a girl waiting for the vendor to give her her balloons.

Like that day, Jellal had been waiting near my locker.

We walked back home, hand in hand.

However today, our little trip wasn't wordless.

Jellal asked me a few questions about myself.

About what I like, dislike. My favorite food, animals and the basic stuff that one asks to know the other better.

I answered each one of them.

But I didn't question him because I wanted to know about him myself rather than him telling me himself.

It's gladdening that way.

We stopped in front of my house and exchanged numbers.

"I'll text you." He said and left before giving me one last smile.

It surprised me, really but he messaged me.

My heart jumped when I saw Jellal's name on my phone.

After Grandma and Levy, his is the only name that is in my contacts.

I was slow in opening the message because my heart was running fast.

Although, I couldn't waste any more time and clicked it open at once.

 **Jellal -** _Goodnight, Scarlet._

I was filled with utter joy.

I was smiling.

I felt cared.

And I felt loved.

I messaged him back.

 **Me -** _Goodnight...Jellal._


	11. Chapter 11

**Diary entry: Tuesday, September 19, 2017.**

 _"Erza, let's go on a date tomorrow."_

Jellal said at lunch. He met me again at the same spot as yesterday. We sat and ate together. He brought his bento that his sister makes. It was decorated cutely and he kind of noticed me having a covetous expression that he told me to exchange my bread for his bento. I couldn't do that because that was his lunch and my lunch was too plain, but he insisted. Jellal's sister seems like a good cook because everything tasted so different and nice. I have never gotten a bento so for me, eating from one brought me utter joy.

It was too sudden when he asked me to go on a date. I almost choked on the broccoli and had to gulp down the entire milk carton.

It was embarrassing...But he laughed and seeing him smile made me forget how silly I acted.

"So?" He asked. "What's your answer?"

I wiped my mouth with my handkerchief and hesitantly nodded.

Obviously, I have never gone on a date before, so I became anxious. My mind began to fill with strange and disconcerting thoughts. I might have a slight idea of what dates are like but experiencing one is what's making me agitated.

What do I do?

I'm so nervous I can't think properly...

Perhaps this is the right time to spill the beans to Levy. She might and is the only person who can help me.

After dinner, when we were sitting in front of the T.V watching 'My Obsession with Him' I summoned my courage and turned to Levy.

"Levy-Chan..."

"Hm?" She looked at me.

"Can you turn down the volume a little? I have something to tell you..."

She did so and looked at me in confusion.

"What is it, Erza?"

"The thing is..." My heart was beating rapidly because I wasn't sure how Levy would react. "I've started dating a boy in my school..."

There was a complete silence in the room. The unclear noises from the T.V were clear to my ears and oddly, Levy had a blank expression as if she didn't hear what I said.

"What?" She asked.

"Eh?"

"What did you say?"

"I-I'm dating someone-"

"EHH?!" Levy abruptly jumped up from her seat with the most confounded expression I had ever seen. "REALLY, ERZA? YOU'RE NOT LYING TO ME, ARE YOU?"

"N-no-"

"ERZA!" Levy, as abruptly as she jumped up, sat back down and tightly placed her hands on my shoulders. "Who is he? Who confessed first? Have you held hands yet? Have you gone on a date yet?" She endlessly asked me such questions and didn't give me an opening to explain to her that that's what I want to talk to her about.

It was after a half hour or so that she ran out of energy and drank an entire can of soda in one go.

And that's when it was my turn to answer all her questions.

I told her everything from the startling beginning to my suspended ending.

She listened to me attentively as if I was teaching her favorite subject; History.

After hearing what I had to say, Levy fell deep in thought. Or rather that's what I thought but in reality, she was thinking of what color to wear on our wedding...

Seriously, sometimes, I can't just trust her to be on the same page as me.

"Alright, so you're just worried about a simple date, right?"

I nodded.

"Well, all you need to do is be yourself, Erza and of course, look pretty but since you're already pretty you have nothing to worry about." She smiled.

And I thought Levy would help me ease my anxiety.

Her positive words aren't helping me one bit yet I'm nodding like I understand her.

I don't want to ruin her cheerful mode, so I kept listening to what she had to say about her previous dates.

Of course, she didn't mention her ex-dead-boyfriend but the more she talked about her memories, the more I could sense her tone shaking.

I stopped her midway, excusing myself to bring some tea for the both us and fortunately, the topic quickly changed to what I would wear for tomorrow.

Me and Levy talked until 1 am and went to our rooms once we realized that Levy had to work extra hours tomorrow, so she needed extra sleep.

I don't think I'll be able to sleep because my heart is still restless.

No matter how much I try to disturb my mind from different things, the idea of going on a date would freeze me like a statue.

I know it's weird but I don't want tomorrow to come...

I wouldn't know what to do and I would just make Jellal uncomfortable.

But it can't be helped...Tomorrow has to come.

Tomorrow I have to go on a date.

Because it was a word I had given him.

I can't take it back.


	12. Chapter 12

**Diary entry: Wednesday, September 20, 2017**

I excitedly got ready today. Although, I was nervous, I couldn't help but feel that this was going to be the best day of my life. I liked the tension running through my veins. The thought of seeing Jellal in a casual dress as me today and the thought of _something_ happening today...

Levy helped me to choose a nice dress and even insisted on applying just a little makeup on me to look out of the ordinary. She mentioned that on dates people change a little for the person that they love because the latter wants to the see the other side of us.

I thought it was nonsense. Why want to see the other side when the latter has fallen for the true side that we have shown? I didn't comment anything and just listened other blabber on.

When I looked in the mirror, I did think that I looked out of the ordinary today.  
Levy pinned a butterfly shaped clipped at the side and gave me one final look at my entire body.

"Perfect," She said in a professional tone. "You're ready and good to go, Erza. I'm sure your Jellal will fall for you a second time." She winked and left the room to give me some space before I leave for my first date.

I closed my eyes and tried to calm myself down. Being honest, it is too much and too sudden for me and I suddenly started to have second thoughts about actually going to this date, but then wouldn't that be rude? Wouldn't that make me a bad person?

So, before my mind could fix on one thing, I quickly grabbed my purse and rushed downstairs. My heart was still racing, and my mouth turned dry as if I had ran a 100 meter race.

The weather was pleasant today. Everything about today appeared pleasant. The streets, the marketplace, the noises of children rushing to home from school.

Ah, now that I think about it, I forgot to mention that me and Jellal decided to bunk school today just to go on this date. I was against it at first, but he said I shouldn't care about school that much. That its fun to be rebellious sometimes.

I was still against it but he kept on telling me to not come to school today and so, I had to change my mind. It does feel weird to see all the kids from school passing by me to go home or to play in the park.

I reached the place where we decided to meet. At the coffee shop near the bus stop.  
I sat outside and gazed at the passerby's.

After an half hour or so, I called Jellal to ask him where he was but he didn't pick up his phone. I messaged him, but he didn't read it.

I waited some more.

And then some more.

The waiter asked me if I needed something, but I said nothing and he left hesitantly.

I waited for another hour. I didn't try to give him a dozen missed calls like some crazy obsessed woman. But I did send one last message asking if everything was alright.

It was strange how time flew so fast. It was already sunset and for some reason it appeared silly to me to wait here for so long. I got up from my seat and a sudden feeling overlapped my heart. I didn't know what it was; disappointment...sadness...betray...but my vision turned blurry and the ground beneath me faded.

The waiter came again, his eyes wide and skeptical.  
He asked me if I was okay. I quickly nodded and ran away because I wanted to cry so much more.

Why didn't Jellal come today as promised?

That was the only question that ran through my mind until I stopped at a park near my house.

The wind was turning cold and startlingly, everything turned to ice in my sight. I felt my pulse rising and anger hitting me hard.

He shouldn't have done that. I thought. He shouldn't have told me to come on this date if he wanted to leave me like this.

But then a few other questions struck me. What if something did happen? What if he's in trouble or an accident?

I wiped away my tears and immediately tried calling him but the automated voice told me that his phone is switched off.

I felt strange for some reason. I felt that something was not right because as far as I know...Jellal isn't the type to betray.

He isn't someone who would leave a girl waiting on her first date...

It hurt me to realize that I didn't know where he lived.  
I became so helpless in a matter of seconds. It was the worst feeling ever.

I stayed in the park for a while; trying to satisfy myself by saying that everything was alright.

I couldn't let Levy know how my day went or else she would kill Jellal if something this small angered her. So, when I went home, she was waiting for me and started to abruptly ask me how my day went and all and I lied about everything.

I didn't want to make Jellal look like the bad guy before knowing his problem or the reason for not coming today. I cut our conversation and told her that I was tired and wanted to get some rest. She understood and I silently headed up to my room.

I threw my purse on the ground and crashed on my bed.  
I did try calling him for the last time but still no response.  
Perhaps I will ask Jellal tomorrow at school and he better give me a believable answer...

I hope he is alright.  
I can't help but feel apprehensive...

I wish this feeling would go away soon and I wish Jellal would at least call me to tell me that everything is alright. I don't care what happened today. I just-

I just want to hear his voice. 


	13. Chapter 13

**Diary entry: Thursday, September 21, 2017**

Jellal didn't meet me on the bridge to school and neither did he attend it today. At lunch I checked all the placed I thought Jellal would be waiting for me but each time, I left disappointedly.

I went to his class the second time to see if in case I had missed spotting him, but I would've spotted him even in a larger crowd because he has this different, weird aura that nobody in this school has.

The more I couldn't see him, the heavier my heart got. It was on the verge of sinking like the titanic.

After school, I called him again but all I got was the same dull reply from the automated voice. I got frustrated and was about to throw my phone hard on the ground but then I somehow managed to control whatever I was feeling and decided to distract myself by studying maths. It was the only way I could forget about Jellal for a while...well, that's what I thought. It didn't work, of course.

My mind was reeling various scenarios of what might have happened to Jellal. One scenario turned out so scary that I switched off the lights and tried to sleep to forget all about it.

It's already dawn and I still can't sleep...in a few hours I have to get ready again.  
Believe it or not, I'm wishing hard to see Jellal today at school.  
This is the first time I'm feeling something like this.

I don't know if it's true love or that I'm just worried for my 'friend' but either way, I can't take it anymore. I want it to end as soon as possible.


	14. Chapter 14

**Diary entry: Friday, September 22, 2017**

I truly can't take it anymore.

I miss Jellal.

I miss seeing him.

He didn't come to school today as well and there is no one I know whom I can ask who might know what happened to Jellal.

At lunch I sat under the tree and cried.

Was I not going to see him again?

I wish I could do something but wishing is the only thing I can do...

Why did it turn out like this of a sudden?

Why am I getting hurt for no reason...?

I really can't take it anymore.

I hugged Levy today the moment I came home, and she looked at me dubiously. I knew she was doubting something and would shoot me questions I wouldn't be able to answer. That's why I apologized to her for the unexpected hug and locked myself in my room.

Levy knocked a few times to ask me if I was okay and I lied that I was.

I'm not okay.

I'm not fine.

It's like I'm dying.

Like someone gave me a poison and it's slowly killing me...

I hate it because it hasn't even been weeks that we met and... I fell in love with him so deeply that it feels like I can't live if I don't see him now...

And I'm getting anxious that I might not be able to see him forever...

Please, somebody help me. I don't want to feel like this anymore. I don't want to think that I won't be able to see him anymore.

Please...help me.


	15. Chapter 15

**Diary entry: Saturday, September 23, 2017.**

I stayed in my room the entire day. Locked and lonely.  
I didn't eat breakfast, lunch or dinner and that made Levy worry about me. She got angry because I wasn't myself and I was not 'open' to her about what was drowning me. So she pick locked my door and came inside.

She yelled at me. Asked me why I was behaving so differently for the past few days.  
I couldn't hide it from Levy any longer and before I knew it, my tears were talking.

I told her everything. I told her how worried I was, how it pained me to not see him and how everything turned black and white when the rainbow was just about to arrive in my life.

She hugged me tightly like I had when she was crying.  
She told me to wait patiently and to forget all negative thoughts I was having.  
She told me to look forward to seeing him because he will come.

I told her that it's been three days already and he still hasn't showed up. How do I be patient when all I could think about is him?

Levy tried her best to console me and I was grateful for that because I felt a little better after spilling everything I had on my mind.

She's a good friend...The only friend I have right now.

She told me to take some rest and call Jellal again tomorrow morning.  
I'm hoping he would pick or show up.

I'm trying to be as positive as I can right now.

"Erza, forget everything bad you're thinking because you will see Jellal tomorrow."


End file.
